Marriage / Random Thought Thursdays

RTTs: Why Get Married?

I grew up without too many examples of what a good dating relationship or marriage relationship looked like. This led me to dismiss marriage for years. I didn’t want to get married. It just looked hard and painful and utterly not worth it. The question of course is, not worth what?

The only time I heard about marriage was when people talked about sex. The message was always: Don’t have sex until you’re married. That’s it. That’s the only context in which marriage came up. So, my pre-teen brain put two and two together –> Marriage must be all about sex.

(WRONG.)

But, following that logic, I concluded that getting married so that I could have sex wasn’t worth it. Sex wasn’t worth the emotional pain and overall duress that appeared to plague all marriages. A ninth grader had just declared celibacy 🙂

Once I started counseling my freshman year of college, God started me on this journey of redefining marriage and, more importantly, helping me discover why anyone would or should get married. This journey is nowhere near “done”, not do I think that I now have a complete understanding of marriage or why people should get married. That being said, these are the three reasons that I am confident God has brought before me over the last few years…you should get married if you:

1. Glorify God better with your spouse

I believe that we as human beings have been put on this earth to glorify our Creator. For me, this means pursuing what God has called me to at this time which, at least right now, is youth ministry and entering the conversation about sexuality- or starting it- in the Church. I can do that just fine as a single person. However, if I could do it better with someone else, you’d better believe I’d be all over that.

2. Love people better with your spouse

God is love. God says multiple times in the Bible that the world will know his followers by the love they show to one another, to their enemies, and just to people in general. Therefore, you should be able to love people better with your significant other.

3. Are brought closer to the feet of Jesus with your spouse

At the end of the day, our nearness to God is what matters. How well do you know your Savior and how are you becoming more and more like him. Does your significant other stretch you and challenge you in your spiritual journey? Do they continually point you to the One we have been told to seek after?

Why do you think people should get married?

Why did you get married? Would you advise someone else to get married for that same reason?

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14 thoughts on “RTTs: Why Get Married?

  1. When hubman and I got married it was because I was pregnant; neither of us were believers but it just seemed like the right thing to do. We had planned on getting married to each other – the pregnancy just sped up the process.

    I don’t believe that God has just one reason for marriage – it serves multiple purposes.

    I heard a pastor say something that ‘nails’ it: “My spouse is the instrument of my perfection.”

    Having been married for over 25 years I can attest to this truth. My darkest and hardest times in my life have come through the hands of my husband – but on the other side of these trials have come the most astounding and significant growth in my spiritual maturity. It is in this that I have found sides to God’s nature that I would have otherwise never known.

    • First off, I love the term hubman. Love it!

      I absolutely agree that God has multiple purposes for marriage. It’s beautiful to hear that even though you have experienced the darkest and hardest times because of your husband, you’ve also experienced the most astounding and significant growth. Amazing and such a great reminder of how God works. That is very encouraging to me : Thank you for your comment!

    • Great to see you in the blogging world, Micah! I like your comment. Definitely a good reminder that it is a both/and and that both of those reasons are equally valid and good. Thanks for stopping by!

    • Yes! Paul! I always like the way he states things. So clear and simple. You bring up the idea of loneliness which reminds me of Genesis 2:18 in which God says it is not good for man to be alone. A marriage relationship definitely brings with it a different level of intimacy and companionship than any other relationship. Thank you for sharing that!

  2. Our marriage counselor told us several times the reason people really get married is so they can have sex. You can live with, glorify God, love people, and be best friends with someone without ever getting married. He cornered us into this realization. We could just be roommates, but if we wanted to have sex, well we had to get married. That idea really bothered me at first. But I think I have to agree with him. You can still do all the other things as well and should, but you don’t need a marriage to do those things. You do need one to have a sexual relationship.

    I really enjoyed this post! I still agree with all of your points, because I think you can’t have a good marriage without making those things the purpose of your marriage. 🙂

    • I definitely agree that you need to be married in order to have sex with someone, but I don’t know if you could glorify God, love others, or be sanctified with a close friend in the same way that you could with a spouse. I agree with you that it is totally possible to do all of those things with other people, just not at the same level. I’m drawing primarily from my relationships with people I’ve known as singles and then known as married couples. There seems to be something different about the way they love people and glorify God together as a couple in comparison to how they do with their friends. Maybe I’m idealizing them?? haha I don’t know!

      Thanks for commenting 🙂

      • I definitely see what you are saying there. You have two personalities (sometimes similar and sometimes very different) that if used to glorify God can play off each other’s strengths and offer much more.

        I also think that if you get to the point in a relationship where the other person knows all of your flaws and helps you to grow (like a married couple or family members) you are pretty much at the same level in your ability to glorify God together. But the reality is not that many people can live life in such close proximity as family or married couples. In our culture, even roommates don’t always know the real person they are living with.

      • I had one more thought. In reading how you define sexuality, I do think there is more to getting married than just the act of sex. I love being able to grab my husband’s butt at will or have him scratch my lower back, and that would have been bad for both of us if we had done that before we got married. Thanks for letting me think my way through this one. 🙂

      • Tori! Both of your comments are fabulous. Thank you for your willingness to think through things and to share your thoughts! I don’t ever want to think that I have sexuality all figured out, just that I’m trying to go towards truth and bring people along with me through these conversations. I’m very thankful that you have been willing to go on this little adventure with me!

  3. Purpose guides and purifies. The purpose of sex is to create children and to create a bond between two people who will raise those children. Marriage is a somewhat redundant and official recognition of this arrangement.

    Sex is not the goal. A family is the goal. If you don’t want to create a family, don’t have sex. There are other ways to spend your time.

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