Marriage / Random Thought Thursdays / Singleness

RTTs: Find a Wife, Receive Favor

Recently I’ve been reading through Proverbs and a few weeks ago I stumbled across this verse:

He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.                                                                                                    Proverbs 18:22

When I first read this verse, I could feel my insides start to churn. Not because I think marriage is bad or that married people shouldn’t receive favor from the Lord, but because I couldn’t think of a single verse anywhere in the Bible that so succinctly says that God pours out his favor on those of us who are not married. I know there are plenty of verses that describe God’s love for us and his willingness to give us his favor that don’t discriminate  solely on marital status, but that’s just it- I felt less important to God because I am not married.  

I felt as though God’s eyes were roaming the earth, looking over his children, and whenever he saw a married one he’d say, “+1 to Jennifer for finding a husband!” or “+1 to David for finding himself a wife!”

But God doesn’t give +1’s. I know that I am imposing favoritism which is so ingrained in our fallen nature on a just God who loves all of His children equally. But I also know what I felt and I knew that that feeling has a root cause (or many root causes).

I wonder if the messages I received from the Church growing up about marriage- that it is the ultimate form of earthly relationship, is guaranteed to happen, and should be what I aspire to- caused me, in that moment when I read that verse, to interpret God’s word through those lies.

And I hate that I felt that way, but I did.

——————–

How did you feel when you first read the verse?

To all you married folks out there: in being married and in finding a spouse,  have you found “what is good”? What is that goodness (to you, personally)?

I know that not everyone who is married or has been married would agree that they found “what is good.” We would love to hear your experiences as well!

For you single people, what have you found that is particularly good about being single?

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6 thoughts on “RTTs: Find a Wife, Receive Favor

  1. Good question! For me, it’s not that just because you are married that you “receive favour,” it’s that the option is there to receive favour – it’s what you do with it. Paul says that being married is harder than being single (1 Cor 7:28) – so simply stated, the harder the work – the more the reward. Also, in the amplified version it states, “he who finds a [true] wife …” A true wife is one who’ll go the distance with you … no matter what comes. No matter what trial is brought into the marriage by a husband’s sin (woundedness or immaturity) a true wife will allow him the opportunity to grow through it by being a mirror for him. She will stand firm in her promise to him and to the Lord and will allow God the time to heal and/or correct her husband — this is where the part of the verse, “receives favour from the Lord,” comes in. After he sees his sin and matures – reward is automatic – because healing and growth propel us closer to God. But the key is the [true] wife.

    Hope this helps.

    • Robyn, I absolutely agree that the kind of person you marry makes a huge difference on whether or not you truly reap the “favor” or blessings that come with being married. I like that you talk about how marriage really grows a person and can deepen their relationship with God and that that is where the favor comes from. Thanks for your comment!

  2. I’ve found marriage as God’s most effective way of making me holy. When you’re married, your flaws are all right there in the open. When you’re in a good marriage, they bolster you to draw out all the good. They challenge you and keep you accountable. The bulk of my personal growth has happened as a result of my wife’s presence.

    • That’s so wonderful to hear! And that is truly what is good- being brought near to God. It’s so interesting to me hearing about how much people grow due to being married. Theoretically it makes perfect sense and I try to comprehend it, but it’s so hard lol Thanks for your comment!

  3. We’re reading “The Rich Single Life” in our group Bible Study at my church and one of the things we’re learning is that no state married or single is more surperior to the other in God’s eyes. In Genesis when God says it’s not good for man to be alone He gifted Adam with Eve with out him knowing or asking for it. Adam was living a fulfilled life alone and when God saw that Adam was ok with living a fulfilled single life, He wanted to favor him more by giving him a helpmate. It was another gift just as his singleness was a gift. God knows what we need, exactly what we need before we could even ask He has plans for a future that is good and of hope and those plans all advance His kingdom.
    So, how I began to understand that verse is that one a man finding a wife isn’t an easy task not all men are husband material and neither are all women wife material.

    But if by the way your living your life fulfilled and advancing God’s kingdom when and if God decides to change your assignment and gift you with a helpmate finding that good thing is the chain reaction that leads to finding God’s favor. Not just because you’re married…Hope it makes sense

    God knows what we can handle what we’re waiting for has to be ready for us and we have to be ready for it

    God’s assignment is for kingdom advancement if we’re
    faithful in this assignment we get favor and in order to have found a wife you had to have been f faithful to God’s will which in turn releases God favor. God must get the glory in whichever state we’re in single or married.

  4. A simpler explanation : Remember I stated a good wife/ virtuous woman is hard to find Prov. 31:10 but a noble wife is like a crown to her husband Prov 12:24 So if a man can find this woman Prov 18:22 by being faithful to God’s will he finds a good thing which is a bonus to God’s favor which we receive from being faithful to his will. Thankful that I found your blog this morning

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