I’ve decided that I’m going to start Random Thought Thursdays. I find so many articles/quotes/videos that I want to briefly comment on that don’t fit the broader, ongoing theme. Here is the first installment…
Today I read an article by Allison Vesterfelt on her website entitled, “Who’s Responsible for Physical Dating Boundaries.” The premise is fairly easy to guess from the title- in a heterosexual relationship, who is responsible for making sure that the physical boundaries are adhered to. I would certainly hope that everyone without hesitation would say that both parties are responsible and that is the conclusion that Allison reaches (I think). However, because of the society that most Evangelical Christians have grown up in, the practical reality often times is that the woman behaves as though the man is responsible for these boundaries. Because, after all, we all know men are more sexual, they’re more visual, and they’ll be tempted more to cross these boundaries. *sarcasm*
However, what I really want to comment on in her article are the two questions that she ends with.
What can girls do to help you, guys?
Girls, what can guys do to hold the boundary that makes you feel honored?
Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure the wording of those questions places the responsibility of upholding the boundaries on men. What can girls do to help guys? Okay that wouldn’t be a bad question, if the same was asked to the girls! But instead we get asked what guys can do to hold the boundary that would make us feel honored. Why aren’t guys asked that question too?
In both cases, the job of holding the boundaries lands squarely on the shoulders of the gentlemen. And the responsibility of the girls is still to support them in this monumental task. These questions perpetuate the idea that women are responsible for keeping the men in their lives pure and free of temptation. First of all- this is not possible. Second of all- this is absolutely not a women’s responsibility.
And if you want to ask guys what girls can do to help them uphold physical boundaries in a relationship, you had better darn well ask girls what guys can do to help them too.
What do you think of the questions?
Who do you think should be responsible for holding the boundaries in a relationship?