Sexuality / Singleness

Sexual & Single: Introduction

I have been asked by a few people in one way or another to please solve the mystery of how to express your sexuality in a healthy, God honoring way, when you’re single. Well, today is the day! At least today is the day that I’m going to open up the discussion. I realized in short order that this was going to take much longer than one post.

First, I think there are a few basic things to get out of the way. These “few” basic things will be the subject of this first post.

Sexuality DOES NOT equal erotic sexual behaviors (i.e. sex, oral sex, making out, etc.). Sexuality DOES NOT equal sexual orientation or gender or sex (i.e. hetero, homo, bi, trans, woman, man, male, female, etc.).

Sexuality is a broad umbrella term that includes all of these things and many others. I’ll list them here and offer a brief explanation for each of them:

Sex– this refers to a person’s biological sexual make up. Do you have a penis (male), vagina (female), or reproductive organs from both sexes (hermaphrodite /intersex)? Are you transsexual?

Gender– this refers to the gender a person identifies with. Do you identify as a man (he, him, his), a woman (she, her, hers), neither or both (they, them, theirs)? Are you transgender?

Orientation– this refers to what sex you’re attracted to- it also tends to be the first thing people jump to when they hear the word “sexuality.” Are you attracted to the opposite sex (heterosexual), the same sex (homosexual), or both (bisexual)? Side note: I personally greatly dislike the polarity that exists with orientation because of these three seemingly black and white terms. In reality, sexual orientation is a spectrum that most people move around on throughout their life due to both biological and environmental influences.

Now just pause with me and let’s take a second to think a bit deeper about the three above aspects of one’s sexuality. According to the society we live in, I could be a female (vagina), man/transgender (he, him, his), and be attracted to the opposite sex (heterosexual).

Sit in the uncomfortableness. Process.

Form an opinion about it and feel free to share your thoughts on the implications of this in the comments. I’m sure there are lots to say!

Moving on:

Erotic behavior– this is the second of two things that everyone jumps to when they hear sexuality. This refers to sex, oral sex, making out, etc.

Sensual– this refers to our senses and the pleasure that can be obtained through them. Smelling something good (perfume or cologne), hearing something that is pleasing to us, touching or being touched in a way that feels good, etc.

Intimacy– this refers to our desire to be close to others. We want to know and be known.

Embodied– this refers to the fact that we have bodies! Examples of acts that focus on our embodiment can be dancing or running.

Relational– this refers to the fact that we were created to be in relationship with one another! This is the core of our sexuality and our sexual nature.

Whew. That is quite the list. Until next time!

7 thoughts on “Sexual & Single: Introduction

  1. Good list. I like the thought that orientation is a spectrum. Ron White described it (somewhat crudely) as “Everybody’s gay. It’s just a question of how gay you are.” Blunt, but kind of true.

  2. Huge topic. Interested to see where you are going with it. Keep biology in mind (what is “natural” within the expanse of the animal kingdom) and also keep other cultures in mind, which helps identify what is “natural” in the expanse of human behavior. But mostly, ground yourself in the Word so that after all of the observations, your conclusions remain true.
    Also, I wanted to let you know that your article in Single! is now online:

  3. Pingback: Sexual & Single: Sensual | Simply Sex(uality)

  4. Pingback: RTTs: I am a Pharisee | Simply Sex(uality)

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